Let's clear a few things up...

My son’s death put me into a tailspin in many ways.  In those early weeks and months I was mostly shocked and dumbfounded and I clung to my faith. But as time passed and the reality started to sink in, my faith was shaken and I became very angry at God, in many ways deeming Him responsible (no worries...while I can’t speak for you, the God I serve is big enough He can handle my being angry at Him).  After really digging in scripture and reading articles, blogs, sermons, books, and so much more I finally have reached a place of peace with God.

The main reason I was angry with God was because I believed things about Him that simply are not true.  My faith is still shaken, but it’s not my faith in God. It’s my faith in the church, other Christians, and spiritual leaders.  You see, being taught things about God that are not biblical set me up for a spiritual identity crisis and the thing is, my tailspin shouldn’t have occurred for a reason like that...    

Many people, many Christians will disagree with my statements. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, although what is actually true is not altered by the opinion of man.  Also, an opinion without prayerful research and study of the topic, while still an opinion, is quite frankly an irrelevant opinion. I know that sounds offensive.  I really don’t mean it to be, it’s just that there are so many Christians that don’t base their opinion on the Bible.  Their opinion is based on how they perceive their life experience or what sounds “churchy.”  I can disagree in a respectful manner with an opinion that is different from mine, so long as it’s actually based on the Bible and doesn't take scripture out of context.      

With that having been said, let’s clear a few things up….

God is not going to swoop in and “save the day.”

Oftentimes it is implied, primarily by taking verses out of context, that if we are faithful enough or it’s in God’s “plan” then He is going to swoop in and “save the day.” There are some troubles and sufferings in this life that cannot be fixed.  Such is true with the death of my son.  At the risk of sounding blasphemous, there is nothing God Himself can do to “fix” this horrible situation, not in this life. Sometimes we just have to endure with God’s grace.  

My son’s death was not part of God’s plan.

I really don’t think I can put into words how I feel when I hear cliches like “everything happens for a reason” or “this must have been part of God’s plan.” Again, verses get taken out of context to support something that many Christians want to believe. (Should I remind you that even the devil quoted scripture for his own purposes?)  I’m appalled to think that in those first months when I was so desperately trying to make sense of the situation that even I at first thought things like “this is part of God’s plan.” The more I study and research and think logically (I’m guessing God gave us common sense for a reason), the more strongly I believe that my son’s death was not part of God’s plan.  In fact, I do not believe that God has a specific plan for our lives. There is a very clever article written by Donald Miller who explains how if God does has a specific plan for our life, we will know it.  We won’t have to search for it. He points out some indicators: you are pregnant virgin, a donkey talks to you, or an angel wants to wrestle with you (Does God Have a Specific Plan For Your Life? Probably Not. By Donald Miller).

Many people would say that everything that happens is part of God’s plan because He allowed it to happen.  I won’t deny that everything that happens was allowed by God to happen, but that doesn’t mean He wanted it to happen, that He orchestrated it, or that it happened for a reason.  All of us sin. God allows it, but I would argue that He in fact does not want it to happen, orchestrate it, or have a reason for it (not to say he can't use it...).  

Many Christians, myself included reject predestination in the sense that God predetermines who will accept or reject Jesus...so why do we buy into the thought process that He has predestined every other moment of our lives?    

Of course God has a plan, a big plan including things like when He will return for the body of Christ. He has desires, such as His desire to reconcile all of us to Himself.  And He has a general plan for all believers. He wants all Christians to be obedient to the Holy Spirit and to be a healthy, functioning member of the body of Christ.  God wants us to learn to be like His Son.  But how effective would He be in bringing glory to Himself if He manipulated us into any of this?  

God is our Father.  Think of earthly parenthood….it’s actually much easier to put your toddler's shoes on for him than it is to take time to let him do it himself, but if you were still putting your adult son’s shoes on for him, that would be absurd.  Is it so far fetched to think that instead of our Heavenly Father putting our shoes on for us, He patiently waits, offering loving guidance while we learn to do it ourselves?  

For whatever reason the church, many Christians, and spiritual leaders alike are guilty of taking verses out of context (ex. Jeremiah 29:11) to “support” the thought that God has some grand plan for each of us even though that’s not what the verse is about at all.  I’m ashamed that I have been guilty of doing this too.  Personally, I think it’s partially to support what is easier to believe.  I get it. In many ways it’s much more comforting to think that for some reason unknown to us God ordained everything that is going to happen to us and it’s part of some grand plan.  It requires much more faith to believe that it really boils down to the fact that we live in a fallen world where bad things WILL happen and that the bottom line is that no matter what, God will give us grace to endure.  

My son’s death was not a punishment.

I never believed this to be true.  I was disgusted to find out that there are some people who did believe this. Again, bad things are going to happen in this life, because we live in a fallen, sin cursed world.  It’s not a question of “if” but a question of “when” the axe will fall.  My son’s death is not a punishment.  It’s not a “wake up call.” It’s not God trying to get my attention or direct me down another path. Again, think of earthly parenthood.  A person's parenting skills would certainly be lacking if they punished or disciplined their child for something while the child had no idea what the punishment was for.  

God can bring good from bad.

I would never deny that God can bring something good from something bad.  I can see in some ways how He already has and I can anticipate some of the other good things that may happen in the future as healing continues to takes place.  One of the good things is that I have been much more driven to try to understand who God is and how He works.  My faith is stronger than it was before.  God can bring good from a bad situation. He can bring even more good from it if we choose to let him do so through us.  One way God can bring good from bad is to use a situation to make us more Christ like. This is the “good” Paul references in Romans 8:28.  Don’t take the verse out of context and assume one day we will see the bad situation as something good, instead read verse 29.

God provides the only real and ultimate hope.

God promises eternal life with Him in heaven to those that place their faith in His Son, Jesus as their sin substitute.  Children who are too young to understand that they need a sin substitute are not held accountable for accepting or rejecting Christ as the rest of us are. By the way, there is no “riding the fence” here.  Lack of acceptance is the same as rejection.  It has nothing to do with a special prayer or baptism.  It has everything to do with faith.  My son is in heaven.  I have placed my faith in Jesus Christ and I too will one day be in heaven.  The hope provided is not that one day my son’s death will hurt less, makes sense, or be fixed in some manner.  The real and ultimate hope is that one day because of Jesus we will be together again in a real place called Heaven where there is no sin, no sorrow, no sickness, and no death.